Update #10
I am SO sick of this Michael Jackson business - can we get back to some REAL news? I agree with everything Bill O'Reilly says here - yes, I know that is astounding. For the first time since watching him in disgust, I really do agree with every word Bill says here...
Michael was going to die early because of the way he treated his body and his soul, I was not surprised to hear about his death. I was shocked for hearing it during my prom, but once it sunk in, I really was not upset or saddened. Call me insensitive, but I am not upset. His death does not eliminate his fantastic music which will be left for all of us to enjoy FOREVER. He is not a pillar for black america, that is a ridiculous statement and watching his "funeral" service was sickening. I literally stared at the television in dismay, staring at the media who brought him up, then brought him down with child molestation charges, and now talks about him as if he is the Messiah. We all live and we all die. When you reach 50, and you were a child star, chances are you're not going to come out with something to top your greatest hits. I don't feel happy or sad about his death - I simply do not care. I think we should all start to feel this way and start covering some real news, about real people who live in the real world and stop talking about a delusional man who never had the chance to grow up and get REAL.
-K xoxo
7.09.2009
6.22.2009
This March, Tim Burton takes us down the Rabbit Hole again!
Johnny Depp (Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham-Carter (The Red Queen), and Anne Hathaway (The White Queen) look stunning in these new photos from the upcoming bound-to-be-a-classic retelling of Alice in Wonderland, from the deviously talented Mr. Tim Burton himself. Another Depp/Burton team up - what more could a person ask for? Just a few of the fantastic actors filling out the rest of the cast are: Alan Rickman, Michael Sheen, Christopher Lee, Stephen Fry and Crispin Glover - just to name a few! If you're not grinning with excitement yet, I don't know what else to tell you except March 5, 2010 is far too long to wait!!
-K xoxo
6.21.2009
6.09.2009
Unbreak broken? It won't happen.
Update #9
I just received this message in an email. Well too bad for some friends of mine, I won't be the one celebrating. It seems that I will take a pass on this jubilant occasion to reflect on the past two weeks and the drama that has occurred over some high school drama that never should have happened. It never should have happened, but it did. Now I am left with, as the message says, a bunch of holes in my fence. There is a void that has been left in me and it has been growing since I first experienced being name-called in kindergarden. When I was young, I became a bully to deflect the hate onto someone else - to turn that huge finger pointing at my head onto another person. I can't point anymore fingers and since being called certain names more than once, it has officially gotten to me.
I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am that this part of my life is ending. I wish it wasn't ending on a bad note, but it is and as long as it is ending, I couldn't be bothered to care HOW it ends - it just better END, no matter what.
People afflicted with GBS should not have any stress in their lives, if they can help it, and I refuse to let another person drive another nail through my heart. I have spent nights agonizing over all the decisions I have made and come to the conclusion that no matter what I had done, someone would have been upset with me. So, as of today, I have decided that instead of changing like I so wish I could, I will stay the way I am. I will stay the way I am because as my mother reminds me, "True friends wouldn't do this to you" and the 'this' she is referring to is letting things get blown out of proportion until I don't even know which way is up anymore. Blown so out of proportion I am prepared to end friendships of almost a decade over something as small as this. Well, like the message says, I can't take another nail - as small as it may be. Certinaly not with GBS, either.
Over the years I have switched from bully, to victim - from follower to leader - in my 12 years of school and not one niche has suited me, yet. I hope university will introduce me to some people who I can relate to and who will appreciate me for the qualities that, I think (in most situations) are admirable. In high school, they are not so much appreciated. People would much rather I be boring, giddy and excited for no particular reason rather than be passionate, stubborn and fearless. In the end, I would much rather be hated for who I am, than loved for someone I'm not. Geez, it's not a wonder I would much rather hang out with a group of adults than attend a rave at a teen's house. Maybe I really am as bad as they say I am but I can't help but remind myself that some of the people I look up to most were never liked as a young adult either so maybe growing up will prove helpful to me. Maybe it won't and I will turn into a miserable workaholic like the rest of them but I am willing to take that chance. I am willing to do what I've always done and that is speak my mind and not hope that people agree, but hope that people can respect someone for their strength - not attack them for what they believe is a weakness. To all those people, I'll see you in a few years and you tell me then if being 'nice' served you well because I can predict right now that it won't. I can tell you that all those 'bitches' that you hate so much, myself included, grow up to be some of the happiest and most succesful women around. But maybe I've just been watching too much television...
-K xoxo
NAILS IN THE FENCE
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him
a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must
hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had
driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned
to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually
dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to
drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He
told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out
one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led
him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the
holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say
things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put
a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you
say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare
jewels, indeed! They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They
lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open
their hearts to us."
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending
it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then
you'll know you have a circle of friends.
Just one more thing...
Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence!
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him
a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must
hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had
driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned
to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually
dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to
drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He
told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out
one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led
him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the
holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say
things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put
a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you
say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare
jewels, indeed! They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They
lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open
their hearts to us."
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending
it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then
you'll know you have a circle of friends.
Just one more thing...
Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence!
I just received this message in an email. Well too bad for some friends of mine, I won't be the one celebrating. It seems that I will take a pass on this jubilant occasion to reflect on the past two weeks and the drama that has occurred over some high school drama that never should have happened. It never should have happened, but it did. Now I am left with, as the message says, a bunch of holes in my fence. There is a void that has been left in me and it has been growing since I first experienced being name-called in kindergarden. When I was young, I became a bully to deflect the hate onto someone else - to turn that huge finger pointing at my head onto another person. I can't point anymore fingers and since being called certain names more than once, it has officially gotten to me.
I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am that this part of my life is ending. I wish it wasn't ending on a bad note, but it is and as long as it is ending, I couldn't be bothered to care HOW it ends - it just better END, no matter what.
People afflicted with GBS should not have any stress in their lives, if they can help it, and I refuse to let another person drive another nail through my heart. I have spent nights agonizing over all the decisions I have made and come to the conclusion that no matter what I had done, someone would have been upset with me. So, as of today, I have decided that instead of changing like I so wish I could, I will stay the way I am. I will stay the way I am because as my mother reminds me, "True friends wouldn't do this to you" and the 'this' she is referring to is letting things get blown out of proportion until I don't even know which way is up anymore. Blown so out of proportion I am prepared to end friendships of almost a decade over something as small as this. Well, like the message says, I can't take another nail - as small as it may be. Certinaly not with GBS, either.
Over the years I have switched from bully, to victim - from follower to leader - in my 12 years of school and not one niche has suited me, yet. I hope university will introduce me to some people who I can relate to and who will appreciate me for the qualities that, I think (in most situations) are admirable. In high school, they are not so much appreciated. People would much rather I be boring, giddy and excited for no particular reason rather than be passionate, stubborn and fearless. In the end, I would much rather be hated for who I am, than loved for someone I'm not. Geez, it's not a wonder I would much rather hang out with a group of adults than attend a rave at a teen's house. Maybe I really am as bad as they say I am but I can't help but remind myself that some of the people I look up to most were never liked as a young adult either so maybe growing up will prove helpful to me. Maybe it won't and I will turn into a miserable workaholic like the rest of them but I am willing to take that chance. I am willing to do what I've always done and that is speak my mind and not hope that people agree, but hope that people can respect someone for their strength - not attack them for what they believe is a weakness. To all those people, I'll see you in a few years and you tell me then if being 'nice' served you well because I can predict right now that it won't. I can tell you that all those 'bitches' that you hate so much, myself included, grow up to be some of the happiest and most succesful women around. But maybe I've just been watching too much television...
-K xoxo
6.01.2009
My Love Affair with Bill Maher
Update #8
I just finished watching Bill's documentary, "Religulous" for the third time and boy, do him and Larry Charles make a fantastic team! So, because I was reminded of my adoration for Bill and his unapologetic sense of humor, I looked him up! The most interesting thing came up and it's the picture that you're probably furrowing your eyebrows at right now. Apparently, he angrily refused to apologise for wearing a bloody Steve Irwin Halloween costume. Maher, speaking on his US TV talkshow, Real Time with Bill Maher, suggested Irwin may have been "doing something" to the stingray that killed him that he "shouldn't have been".
"Stop hassling me about my Halloween costume. Yes, you've seen it on the internet. I went as the Crocodile Hunter with a bloody stinger in my chest...People who really love animals understand if you get killed by one, chances are you were doing something to it you shouldn't have been...You want me to apologise for making a joke? Who do you think I am, John Kerry?"
And that, my friends, is why I love Bill Maher. Disagree with me on this one and say it was in bad taste but first of all, would you have had the guts to wear that costume - even if you secretly thought it was quite funny? I think not. Secondly, as so NOT-PC this costume was, you cannot deny the fact that, as usual, Bill has a point. Chances are, Irwin really was doing something he shouldn't have with the animal in the first place and remember, Maher is a comedian, not a politician. But alas, it's clear to me now that, ironically, the two men share(d?) one thing and that is a fearlessness (some would call it idiocracy) that I could only wish to have a shred of inside myself.
-K xoxo
5.30.2009
5.29.2009
Reflexes - who needs em?!
Update #7
As the saga of my health problems draws to a close, I can't help but feel a sense of relief over the fact that I had such a great doctor to begin with. Seriously, it becomes more and more clear each time my family and I visit with him that without him, my recovery would not have been so smooth - or quick! I was reminded of his greatness when we visited with him yesterday for (what we hope to be) the last time. I was told that I am "90% cured" and "on the road to normalcy" so YIPPEE! Secondly, I was told something else - not as "yippee" but equally interesting; I will never get my deep tendon reflexes back. I don't really feel either way about that one so I guess if I were to have any casualties to this thing, I would rather it be my reflexes than the motor nerves in my face! Another element to this appointment was this:
"To test how well your nerves transmit signals to muscles, doctors use a test called electromyography (EMG) and nerve conduction studies. Using small electrodes placed in and on the skin, the technician can measure the speed and strength of electrical messages being sent along the nerve. Nerves damaged by GBS conduct signals at a slower speed. "
The EMG was so awful, I would not recommend it. First of all, my lucky parents got to sit and chuckle as they watched their daughter flinch in pain as she got ZAPPED almost 100 times in various parts of her body at different voltage levels. Sometimes, these tests would go in a big surge of 8 zapS, each zap getting progessively stronger as we went along. The worst was the zap behind my knee...Lord, was that hellacious. The doctor had to hold my leg down so that I didn't smack him in the head but since I have no reflexes, it just sort of twitched but that twitch doesn't mean I didn't feel an intense pain for only a few seconds but man, that was a tough few seconds. On the plus side, I can now say I know what it feels like to get ZAPPED and I got to see what my signals look like on a monitor. My mother compared it to a Jackson Pollock painting...
It's quite fascinating, actually. Later, he stuck (more like shoved) a thick needle into the muscle of my hand and then hooked up all the red and blue wires. As I flexed my wrist a huge surge of colours flew across the screen and a big fuzzy noise (like when there's static on a telephone) blared out of the machine. It was really cool and made me realize all the work that my body does when I go to simply shake a persons hand or hold onto a cup of tea. Ahh, the human body...c'est un sorte de je ne sais quoi, non?
-K xoxo
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