NAILS IN THE FENCE
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him
a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must
hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had
driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned
to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually
dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to
drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He
told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out
one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led
him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the
holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say
things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put
a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you
say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare
jewels, indeed! They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They
lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open
their hearts to us."
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending
it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then
you'll know you have a circle of friends.
Just one more thing...
Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence!
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him
a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must
hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had
driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned
to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually
dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to
drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He
told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out
one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led
him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the
holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say
things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put
a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you
say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare
jewels, indeed! They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They
lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open
their hearts to us."
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending
it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then
you'll know you have a circle of friends.
Just one more thing...
Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence!
I just received this message in an email. Well too bad for some friends of mine, I won't be the one celebrating. It seems that I will take a pass on this jubilant occasion to reflect on the past two weeks and the drama that has occurred over some high school drama that never should have happened. It never should have happened, but it did. Now I am left with, as the message says, a bunch of holes in my fence. There is a void that has been left in me and it has been growing since I first experienced being name-called in kindergarden. When I was young, I became a bully to deflect the hate onto someone else - to turn that huge finger pointing at my head onto another person. I can't point anymore fingers and since being called certain names more than once, it has officially gotten to me.
I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am that this part of my life is ending. I wish it wasn't ending on a bad note, but it is and as long as it is ending, I couldn't be bothered to care HOW it ends - it just better END, no matter what.
People afflicted with GBS should not have any stress in their lives, if they can help it, and I refuse to let another person drive another nail through my heart. I have spent nights agonizing over all the decisions I have made and come to the conclusion that no matter what I had done, someone would have been upset with me. So, as of today, I have decided that instead of changing like I so wish I could, I will stay the way I am. I will stay the way I am because as my mother reminds me, "True friends wouldn't do this to you" and the 'this' she is referring to is letting things get blown out of proportion until I don't even know which way is up anymore. Blown so out of proportion I am prepared to end friendships of almost a decade over something as small as this. Well, like the message says, I can't take another nail - as small as it may be. Certinaly not with GBS, either.
Over the years I have switched from bully, to victim - from follower to leader - in my 12 years of school and not one niche has suited me, yet. I hope university will introduce me to some people who I can relate to and who will appreciate me for the qualities that, I think (in most situations) are admirable. In high school, they are not so much appreciated. People would much rather I be boring, giddy and excited for no particular reason rather than be passionate, stubborn and fearless. In the end, I would much rather be hated for who I am, than loved for someone I'm not. Geez, it's not a wonder I would much rather hang out with a group of adults than attend a rave at a teen's house. Maybe I really am as bad as they say I am but I can't help but remind myself that some of the people I look up to most were never liked as a young adult either so maybe growing up will prove helpful to me. Maybe it won't and I will turn into a miserable workaholic like the rest of them but I am willing to take that chance. I am willing to do what I've always done and that is speak my mind and not hope that people agree, but hope that people can respect someone for their strength - not attack them for what they believe is a weakness. To all those people, I'll see you in a few years and you tell me then if being 'nice' served you well because I can predict right now that it won't. I can tell you that all those 'bitches' that you hate so much, myself included, grow up to be some of the happiest and most succesful women around. But maybe I've just been watching too much television...
-K xoxo
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